Jan 2, 2015
Blogging and my new year's day.
I've written one post in the last three months. One. I feel like there is so much dust to blow off around here a can of lemon pledge might not even suffice. On the other hand, while scrubbing bathrooms has never been my thing, I do find dusting therapeutic.
So, here I am. My sister-in-law was just writing about questioning her blogging - whether to continue and wondering about the value of writing even for a very limited audience. I feel the same way at times but my conclusion for now is to leave this blog up and write when I can and when inspiration hits and not worry about it other than that. There are a few of you that I enjoy connecting with on here or on your blogs and hopefully you get the same enjoyment when I do get around to posting!
Perhaps it's the new year that gave me the nudge to get on here and type a few paragraphs. Normally for me, January 1st is a very important day. I always wake up with hope and excitement in my heart because it's a new year and anything is possible! The list-making-lover in me delights in getting out a fresh notebook and planning and thinking...and of course an hour or so is set aside for good coffee and an open Bible and prayer. You've got to feel accomplished and get all your ducks in a row because it's the first day in a new year people and you don't want to mess this one up.
Do you want to know what my January 1st looked like this year? I will tell you: it looked like a very messy house. (How did practically every dish get dirtied and why is every toy my children own scattered across the not-visible area rug?) It looked like an early morning wake-up call and "morning" sickness all day and pajamas and crazy hair and lying on the couch with a baby on top of me and a toddler poking my face with one of the plastic tools from his new set. It looked like grumpiness and annoyance and tiredness and (inward) complaining.
Thankfully towards evening I felt a little better and put on a cd of Amy Carmichael's poems set to music while I made dinner for myself and the kids (Loris had to work late). It was just what I needed, bringing deep encouragement and thankfulness and a new perspective.
By the end of the day, I had no lists, no plans, no real feeling of accomplishment. But one thought was clear to me: how much in need I am of Christ. I can't accomplish anything of true, lasting value without Him. I can't be the wife and mom and friend He calls me to be. Any close evaluation of myself only reveals my many weaknesses and sin.
While not appealing to my fleshly desires of order and having everything under control, perhaps this is the best place for me to be - to begin this new year not feeling that confident in myself but instead looking to and clinging to Christ.