Jul 23, 2014

On writing about marriage and celebrating three years.

Today marks our three year wedding anniversary.

In thinking about doing a post for today, I realized I don't write much on the topic of marriage or about our relationship specifically. There are a couple of reasons: although I feel I have learned quite a bit in the last few years, I think that only three years of being married still places me in the novice category. I have much still to learn and I don't want to pour out advice when we haven't gone through any real struggles yet. Not to say that I haven't benefited from other newbies sharing about their marriages, just that I've never felt quite ready to delve into this in my writing yet. Maybe in the future!

The other reason I don't tend to write about marriage is I struggle with the balance of authenticity. Sometimes in the online world, we tend to share only the good and beautiful stories and pictures of our lives. Those are wonderful to share, but without meaning to we can paint a picture of perfection. Others who don't know us well might think we never struggle or have difficulties, and that's not helpful. On the other-hand, it can be difficult to write with honesty on the not-so-perfect parts while respecting another's privacy.

And perhaps one more reason why I hesitate to share - I remember when I was single I didn't mind seeing facebook statuses about relationships but sometimes there were so many and it fed into my discontentment. Of course, this was my heart issue, but in remembering that I want to be sensitive, knowing that when we have something great to post or want to brag about our spouse (or other things) there may be others out there who are struggling.

With all this said though, I think we live in a culture that loves to trash talk or look down on men (just look at most sit-com relationships). So as Christian women, it's important to set a different example of speaking about our husbands with love and respect, and one aspect of this can be praising them in a public way occasionally when we get the chance - not to put ourselves on display or show off, but to genuinely encourage and build up our husbands!

(an attempt to get these three in one photo...not sure what's going on in the expressions...)

So (with apologies for that lengthy introduction) that is what I've decided to do today as we celebrate three years of marriage - to share just a few things I love about my husband, Loris.
This is the first thing that comes to mind because it was the first thing that drew me to him: his love and pursuit of Christ. I love that he knows Scripture well because He wants to know Christ well (and to be like Him).  He is an example to me of humility - he is almost always the first to admit fault and seek reconciliation in our marriage (even when I may be more to blame). I probably can't count the times he has encouraged me to a deeper prayer life. I'm so thankful that our common faith is the foundation of our relationship - what storms in life can't we weather with this in place?
He balances me in many areas. A couple that come to mind: He is firm in his convictions and sees the world in a more black and white way than I do. Sometimes this can cause friction but most often I'm thankful because I can get too caught up in people-pleasing and long, confusing trails of thought. He brings clarity when I'm caught in a fog of questions.

He doesn't just love our children, but deeply enjoys them. I think in public he is more likely to stress out over our toddler's sometimes difficult behavior or to worry about him falling down the stairs or off the slide (safety police), but at home I get to witness how much he genuinely loves being their daddy. I love overhearing conversations between him and Joshua as they play in the living room or being called to come quick just to see "Miriam's amazing smile!"  I love being parents together - we honestly sit around talking about our kids all the time, re-hashing the funny things they do, convinced they are the cutest, coolest, most interesting humans to ever walk the planet (I'm sure you feel the same way about yours).

And just one more thing - he pays attention to the little things I like and tries to spoil me regularly, whether it's encouraging me to get myself a coffee or treat when we're out doing errands or to buy that shirt he saw me eye on the rack. He may not think it's a big thing, but I love being reminded that I'm his girl.

Thanks, readers, for allowing me to indulge in a little bragging today!

And to you Loris, thank you for three years of fun and friendship and growing together!  I am so thankful to have you as my husband. I love you!


  1. Ah, this is so sweet! Happy Anniversary!

  2. Happy Anniversary! Love you all, Mom.

  3. Ahh, three years - that marks the end of the newly-wed stage!! ;) Now you're seasoned pros! lol!! Happy Anniversary you two!! ♥♥

  4. That picture makes me smile a lot. :) Happy Anniversary!

  5. Those cheeks, downright squeezeable. Happy Anniversary. We've been married 7 years this year and together for 10 and I think about those things too, which is why I'm always hesitant to post pictures of my beautiful home or mention that we actually own two homes, I don't want to be someone's stumbling block but also want to enjoy our success and be thankful for a husband who is my absolute best friend. I understand!

  6. Happy 3 years and I LOVE the photo! I don't like writing about marriage too much, I guess to respect our family's privacy. It is definitely tricky because I know we all need to hear that other couples deal with conflict, yet it's hard to think of a conflict that isn't too personal. Maybe in very general terms. And I feel awkward with the mushy stuff, too.