Feb 5, 2014
Being mommy: a priority, not a disruption.
Once upon a time I loved to wake up early in the mornings so that the day would begin, not with the frantic rush of getting out the door for work, but with leisurely cups of coffee in a window seat, with space over the open Word to breathe and think and pray and watch the sky change color as the sun came up.
Even on days with a full schedule and responsibilities there was something calming and necessary about these morning minutes belonging to me.
And then life changed fourteen months ago with the arrival of our baby boy. For most of the first year he was up numerous times a night and very early in the morning, making rising before him impossible. Now we are in a stage where he (finally!) sleeps through the night to a decent morning hour but I'm finding with this pregnancy I need the extra rest of staying in bed until he awakes.
So this is the season we are in - getting up together and plunging right into our day - changing the diaper and making breakfast and (on most mornings when we are home) filling those playtime hours until finally it's nap time.
Then comes the coffee and quiet and a little space for what my soul so deeply needs. It is a different pace of mornings, embraced and enjoyed on most days but complained about on others.
This is only one small piece of life that motherhood has changed for me, and of course there are many others - a new way of living that puts a little person at the front of my mind and responsibilities and myself second - daily moments of (slowly) learning to die to self.
And here is something I want to remember, a bit of truth to spread out over the course of these days, coloring both the atmosphere in our home and my heart's attitude: Being mommy is my priority, not a disruption. This is the job I've chosen, or rather, the one I've been gifted with.
The little one with breakfast on his face and a diaper that needs changing (again) is needing me. He doesn't deserve to be seen as something in the way of what I really want to do, whether it's tasks on a to-do list or desired relaxation or hobbies.
Of course, there is a time for independent play, for a little one to learn that he is not the only person in the world. But too often, don't we brush aside the opportunities to read the book just one more time, to get down on the floor to do a puzzle or tickle a tummy or be silly or dance a baby across the room?
It is in these small and fleeting moments that I can choose to show love to my little boy, to tell him in the way he understands best that I like him, that he's fun to be with, that he's what's important to me.
Fighting selfishness day by day, may I long and learn to be a mother that deeply enjoys her children - not as disruptions but as joyful gifts.