Feb 5, 2014

Being mommy: a priority, not a disruption.
























Once upon a time I loved to wake up early in the mornings so that the day would begin, not with the frantic rush of getting out the door for work, but with leisurely cups of coffee in a window seat, with space over the open Word to breathe and think and pray and watch the sky change color as the sun came up.

Even on days with a full schedule and responsibilities there was something calming and necessary about these morning minutes belonging to me.

And then life changed fourteen months ago with the arrival of our baby boy. For most of the first year he was up numerous times a night and very early in the morning, making rising before him impossible. Now we are in a stage where he (finally!) sleeps through the night to a decent morning hour but I'm finding with this pregnancy I need the extra rest of staying in bed until he awakes.

So this is the season we are in - getting up together and plunging right into our day - changing the diaper and making breakfast and (on most mornings when we are home) filling those playtime hours until finally it's nap time.

Then comes the coffee and quiet and a little space for what my soul so deeply needs. It is a different pace of mornings, embraced and enjoyed on most days but complained about on others.






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This is only one small piece of life that motherhood has changed for me, and of course there are many others - a new way of living that puts a little person at the front of my mind and responsibilities and myself second - daily moments of (slowly) learning to die to self.

And here is something I want to remember, a bit of truth to spread out over the course of these days, coloring both the atmosphere in our home and my heart's attitude: Being mommy is my priority, not a disruption. This is the job I've chosen, or rather, the one I've been gifted with.

The little one with breakfast on his face and a diaper that needs changing (again) is needing me. He doesn't deserve to be seen as something in the way of what I really want to do, whether it's tasks on a to-do list or desired relaxation or hobbies.






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Of course, there is a time for independent play, for a little one to learn that he is not the only person in the world. But too often, don't we brush aside the opportunities to read the book just one more time, to get down on the floor to do a puzzle or tickle a tummy or be silly or dance a baby across the room?

It is in these small and fleeting moments that I can choose to show love to my little boy, to tell him in the way he understands best that I like him, that he's fun to be with, that he's what's important to me.

Fighting selfishness day by day, may I long and learn to be a mother that deeply enjoys her children - not as disruptions but as joyful gifts.



8 comments:

  1. AWww! You will!! It is a real change, especially for those of us who are real, "me time" people! ;) But I love all the little moments with my kiddos and being a mom is my favourite job EVER!!! I love to be with these little people and I am always caught in wonder that I get to be their mom! They are such people - independent, spirited, creative, imaginative, thoughtful....and yes, they have moments...or even days on occasion...where I could...maybe for a moment, sell them to the zoo! BUT I love them so and I now have the ability to balance all the wants and desires of the hours of my day (no not perfectly everyday! ;) )- I look forward to the moments I have with them and relish so dearly in the little things!! I think it comes more with time and adjusting to all the new things that life hands us! You've gone though a lot of 'new' in the past two years and things are beginning to fall into place....just as another little is on it's way! ;) Praying you find and hold to that longing to count all the joys!! ♥

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    1. Thanks for your comment and encouragement, Kaitlin. I know this is a common struggle among moms in all seasons (no matter how much we love our babes!) and I'm trying to be mindful of learning this lesson before things get even busier with time and more kids! But I think it is an ongoing process, not necessarily something to arrive at and check off our list...although that would be nice :)

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    2. Yes, I agree that it's not something you can necessarily 'check off a list" - I think though that when you come to God to change your heart - He really can! I know for me, He has changed my heart over the years and now I find the joys and it easier to be momma much more often then my old selfish moments and wants for me time - still there are times (oh yes, there are times!! ;) lol!! *sigh!*)....but He is so good to change us, isn't He!!?! I know that I've only ever wanted this 'job' but that my heart had to make some real adjustments once I actually 'got hired' ! ;) lol!!! I know you love your little guy and being momma but it takes time I think to find ones self in this new 'job'! It's a never ending balance but there are so many rewards - I know you know that! ;) :D And so yes, one may not 'arrive' at perfection in the balance of it all but God will certainly hear your desire to live out your role with greater love and devotion! I know He heard me! ♥ ♥ ♥

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  2. So true! I appreciated a blog post recently that basically said "this is what I signed up for." A lot of times I actually catch myself thinking the opposite, "this is not what I signed up for." But then I stop and remind myself that I'm living the dream! This is my job! I could sit and cuddle my little boy all day if I wanted! I do get really stressed about things like housework, though. Internet and other temptations aside, it feels like I constantly have to choose between really important tasks, like taking care of my child, husband, and the house. I've simplified as much as I can, but we HAVE to have groceries and meals on the table, and that means I HAVE to say no to cuddling every once in a while...know what I mean? I thought "busy mom" meant those moms who do too much, but it turns out it's all about everyday life and whether or not I get to change out of pajamas! But, my husband and I are a team, and a lot of times it turns out that he doesn't mind the dirty dishes, for example. Or wouldn't mind cooking dinner.

    Also, we are still up every 3 hours or so at night, so I still don't wake up before my son most mornings.

    Joshua is SO precious! And he is going to love being a big brother! I'm really excited for you. It feels like there is a baby epidemic among my friends, everybody is expecting #2! It will be interesting to hear what you find easier or harder the second time around.

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    1. Yes, even with the challenges (realizing I'm a new-ish mom and haven't had many compared to more veteran moms!) this definitely is a dream job :)

      It is difficult sometimes figuring out how to best "divide up" our energies...I think I'm lucky though in that Joshua is pretty good at entertaining himself if I need to clean or cook or attend to other tasks. I take it that your little one is pretty clingy? And I'm sorry he is still up every few hours, hopefully he outgrows that soon! And thanks, we're pretty excited about #2 as well!

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    2. He is just starting to play at my feet more as opposed to WITH me. But I still find cooking a challenge, especially if it requires concentration!

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    3. Oh, and no naptime here! 30 minutes or less unless he's in the stroller or being held. But I'm used to it.

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  3. I think it's a struggle we all deal with. I know some days are harder than others. I find nap time (now that I don't have to hold the boy for his nap) is a gentle reprieve. I think we are often conditioned to think this way rather than give God the glory for these miracles - children. Especially with me who struggled for years for children and then finally having the "job" I've always wanted. As for needing two hands - babywearing was extremely helpful for me and my boy and I are incredibly close as he's nearing two!

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