He is five months old now, personality becoming more apparent every day. A growing, squirming, drooling bundle that doesn't like to stay still and is anxious to discover this world around him. When he smiles or squeals with delight or grabs at my face with his little fingers I think there is nothing I would rather be doing than this, being mama to my little boy.
But moms, you know there are those other moments too, right?
Most days I love everything I am doing but sometimes discontentment creeps in. (I am convinced now that there is no life circumstance that can shelter you from this pervasive weed.) There are days when I'm frustrated or discouraged or just plain tired, and my little one is needing, wanting...me. Again. I only have one child so I have the utmost respect for moms with more. But the lessons start small, a mercy no doubt.
One lesson is the putting of another's needs first, to serve - often without recognition. Here, in this quiet moment with my hot mug of tea and space for my thoughts, I feel almost silly writing it. My little one is asleep upstairs and I think, being his mom is so easy, so rewarding. I just want to go upstairs and wake him up for a snuggle...almost!
But my journals tell the truth of a heart that is still so selfish. There are middle of the night feedings and afternoons when he won't nap and days when I really want to accomplish a lot of things and end up doing nothing but take care of him. But these things are all a part of the task God has given me, and He sees my heart in each testing moment. I can be doing the right thing but with an inward attitude that is not pure.
This is what has been on my mind lately - that I would be pleasing to God in this vocation He has graciously given me, that of wife and mother. In both the momentous and mundane.
Philippians 2 instructs us to follow Christ's example of humility and love - this Saviour who came to earth and emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant. We're told to do nothing from selfishness, but count others as more significant than ourselves.
How might these truths transform my mothering if I meditate on them and apply them directly to the way I interact with and care for my child each day? I am thinking to the future here, as he grows and I have more opportunities to live this out, but I know it starts now.
Recognizing my need to be transformed, seeing my example in Christ, and going forward by His grace, one imperfect step at a time.
*edit* This morning I came across a message from Revive our Hearts that fits well with my thoughts here: Seven Snapshots. I was humbled as I listened and thought of the ways that Christ was a servant while He walked this earth. I encourage you to listen if you get a chance!