My husband went off to work again at 5:30 this morning, (I dropped him off so I could have the car for the day) and I drove home through wet streets scattered with fallen leaves, dark and chilly. Home to our little house where I contemplated going back to bed but decided to stay up instead.
I joined a group of ladies last week who are reading through A Place of Quiet Rest and I felt challenged this morning to sit and read through a portion of this week's chapter before the to-do's of the day took over. Already I'm feeling fresh encouragement to make spending time with the Lord and His word more of a priority.
There is a hymn in the front of the book:
Jesus, Thou Joy of loving hearts,
Thou Fount of life, Thou Light of men,
From the best bliss that earth imparts,
We turn unfilled to Thee again.
We taste Thee, O Thou living Bread,
And long to feast upon Thee still;
We drink of Thee, the Fountainhead,
And thirst our souls from Thee to fill.
- Bernard of Clairvaux
I like the last two lines of the first verse, because they are so true. In struggles, we see easily that we are unfilled, needy, thirsty for something that this world cannot offer. But if we are sensitive to the state of our soul, we see that even in "the best bliss that earth imparts" - those moments or days of sweetness and joy - there is still something unfilled within us, a craving for more of the One we were made to contain.
I see clearly (or maybe not clearly enough) the way I am distracted by many things, often overcome by the flesh and focusing on everything but what I need most. I think about the days to come, when our little one will arrive. Of the joy that will bring, but also the sleep deprivation and a whole new list of reasons that I need to seek God. Will I do that? Or will I succumb to the temptations of distractions and tiredness?
I pray God gives me grace to pursue Him today and in the days to come - not out of a sense of duty, but delight in Him as my Father who loves me.